what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Is Oprah even human
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
