Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
