you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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