I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
