You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
BRING THE BAGELS
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
