I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize