Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
