Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
its liver damage thursday
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
