If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
