I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize