There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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