So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
