their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My dick has a subreddit
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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