I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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