Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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