What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
