Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Randomize
