Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
