Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
