Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
