It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
that is very illegal...i love you.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
