I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
