Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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