"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
