that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
