Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
