Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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