She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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