forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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