as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
