Don't you send me to vm
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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