I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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