what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
