I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
