shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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