So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
