Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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