she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
