Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
