dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
