My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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