Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
