fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
