So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
