You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
