the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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