Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
