let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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