I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
