O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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