we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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