Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
