The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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