my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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