Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
