Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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