He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
