She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
