My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
