So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
