I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I had to cum in my sink.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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