But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
