I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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