Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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