I wanna bring you to show and tell
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
