I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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