I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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