If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
