this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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