i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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