I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
