he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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